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He Said She Said

TOUCH Family Life

He Said She Said

Husbands, do you know the words to say to your wife to make her feel loved and cherished? Wives, do you know what your husband needs to hear to feel needed and appreciated? Read on to find out!

She needs to hear “I love you”

For women, being shown they are loved is not an adequate substitute for being told they are loved. Hearing the words “I love you” has a deeper meaning.

Seeing is believing – while saying the words I love you is absolutely essential to wives, acting out the phrase is incredibly important too. Because every woman is different, the challenge is finding out what action speaks loudest to your wife. While candy and flowers work for some, for others it is help around the house. For some it is time alone, and for others it is cuddling late at night. A combination of actions may work for your wife. The challenge is for you to know what you are looking for while being sensitive to your wife. That would be a great start!

He needs to hear “I’m proud of you”

Every man is searching for significance. No matter where a man looks, very little compares to knowing that the woman he loves – the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with – is proud of him.

Saying it during times of crisis is particularly powerful. Hearing those words form you when you acknowledge his courageous contributions as he serves others or the family selflessly will challenge, inspire and motivate him to greater heights.

Saying it in front of your family is especially important. Telling your husband you are proud of how he interacts with family is important. Speaking all these phrases in front of others is also essential. It will help to establish the couple’s identity and boundaries for other relationships.

Saying it in front of your children is also crucial to the development of our husbands as leaders in our homes. By doing so, you recognise the contributions he’s made towards the family, which is likely his biggest life-long investment. Many kids today are missing positive male role models. Saying “I’m proud of you” to your husband in front of your kids helps your children understand what it means to be a man.

She needs to hear “I desire you”

For a man, desire is a sexual word. For a woman, desire is a wish, a craving, a longing. It does not necessarily have a sexual connotation. We desire many things: a new house, new car, new clothes… chocolate! We want our husbands to desire us, long for us, to have a craving for us – but it’s not always sexual in nature.

Your wife needs significant, non-sexual touch to feel desired and loved by you. She needs to feel that you want to connect with her heart, mind and soul. Significant means “with intention”: a touch you thought about making; it did not happen by chance and is never accidental. Non-sexual means without the expectation of that touch leading to sex. So, a significant, non-sexual touch is one that is intentional, purposeful, but has no agenda.

Women desire the connection that touching gives. Gentlemen, your wives need a hug, a kiss, a touch on the arm, an unexpected email or bouquet of flowers from you – just because!

He needs to hear “I believe in you”

“I’m proud of you” acknowledges a husband’s past and present accomplishments. “I believe in you” speaks to a husband’s future pursuits. When a woman says to her man, “I believe in you”, she is expressing her confidence in him.

Many men will not find their jobs satisfying. Despite this, they spend their lives in that unrewarding jobs because they have the responsibility to provide for the family. He questions himself if his life will ever make a difference, he is unsure of his future potential. These are the pressures that are upon many husbands. When a man knows his wife believes in him, he looks to the future with strength and optimism, unafraid to pursue his dreams.

Men need to hear from their wives that they believe in their ability to provide, to overcome tough times, to fight and protect his marriage and family and that he can be where he dreams to be. Your words may be all the courage your husband needs to pursue his dream; your “I believe in you” could possibly be the key that unlocks the shackles of self-doubt and launch your husband into the destiny he was meant to live.  


This article taken from the TOUCH Family Festival Guide is an excerpt from “He Said She Said” by marriage “edu-tainers” Jay and Laura Laffoon.