Coping with Emotional Bullying

Have you been dreading school lately? Are you afraid that your classmates are going to call you names or make fun of your appearance again? These feelings are valid. You may not realise that the hurtful things your peers say about you are actually a form of emotional bullying.

Emotional bullying is an act of aggression where a bully uses non-physical means such as verbal abuse and harassment to torment their victims [1]. Other forms of emotional bullying include name-calling, gossip and intentionally excluding people from social interactions. It is more brutal and widespread because everyone can participate in tearing down the victim’s psyche.

How does emotional bullying affects the individual?

Without intervention, emotional bullying can have dire consequences. Here are some negative effects of emotional bullying and how it affects the victim:

Poor academic performance: Victims of emotional bullying may perceive school as a hostile and unsafe environment. This makes it difficult to concentrate during lessons because they are always on guard. Some victims may even skip classes just to avoid their bully, which can lead to a drastic drop in grades [2].

Decline in mental health: Being subjected to emotional bullying on a daily basis can take a toll on a person’s mental health. They may become anxious, depressed or paranoid. Long-term emotional bullying can also make people feel powerless and trapped. Even after successfully escaping from the bully, victims may experience social withdrawal and suffer from low self-esteem [3].

Adopting unhealthy coping mechanisms: When emotional bullying becomes severe, victims may turn to self-harm because they feel alone and need a way to release the pain. Acts of self-harm may turn into a suicide attempt if nobody is there to stop it. It is also possible for victims of emotional bullying to abuse illicit substances as a way to temporarily escape from their negative feelings. Bullying also places one's body under physical stress that may manifest in the form of headaches, digestion problems, etc [5].

How to deal with emotional bullying?

As such, all instances of emotional bullying must be addressed swiftly. If you or a friend have been dealing with an emotional bully, here are some ways you can deal with the bullying:

Confide in a trusted adult: Tell your parents and teachers about the bullying as it can be a good outlet for your emotions. You might be asked questions such as who the bully is, how often the bullying happens, what the bully does, etc [4]. This is for the adults to get a better understanding of your situation and intervene. You will not be alone anymore from that point onward. The bullying may even come to a stop when an adult comes into the picture.

Practice self-care: Remember that you are not at fault for being bullied. You are a person of worth and value regardless of what your bullies say. Engaging in fun activities that you love such as baking or going for a run are an effective distraction and serve as a reminder that your bully cannot control your life [6]. Try other therapeutic activities such as journalling so that you can pen your feelings and express yourself in a healthy way.

Seek additional help: Surround yourself with people who love and care for your well-being. It is important to lean on your loved ones during this time but if you need extra support, reach out and seek professional help. Do not suffer in silence and allow the bully to continue causing you harm. You may find a community who has gone through similar experiences and give you comfort, which can help you feel less alone in your circumstances.

Emotional bullying is not a matter to be taken lightly. If you are dealing with it, don't be silent about it and reach out for help. Surround yourself with loved ones who can bring you solace and journey with you through these difficult circumstances. Be patient with yourself too as emotional healing takes time.

TOUCH Counselling & Psychological Services offers support for those who are distressed. You may call the TOUCHline at 1800 377 2252 (Mondays to Fridays, 9am to 6pm) to speak with a counsellor.     

As an advocate of mental wellness, TOUCH Mental Wellness (TMW) has been organising mental wellness awareness mass runs, talks and workshops since 2015. It works closely with corporations to conduct mental wellness talks with an aim of equipping employees with handles to cope with stress and help them build resilience. It also specialises in mental wellness awareness and educational programmes for schools. In 2018, TMW launched a Virtual Reality (VR) Immersive Experience on depression as part of its school-based mental wellness programme, Do You M.I.N.D.?. It also launched Singapore’s first-ever VR Gaming Experience to educate students on anxiety in a fun and engaging way.     

Sources
1. Tracy, Natasha. “Emotional Bullying and How to Deal with an Emotional Bully.” HealthyPlace, 30 Dec. 2021, https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/emotional-psychological-abuse/emotional-bullying-and-how-to-deal-with-an-emotional-bully
2. Tan, Rum. “Does Bullying Affect a Student's Academic Performance?” SmileTutor, 25 Aug. 2020, https://smiletutor.sg/does-bullying-affect-a-students-academic-performance/
3. Vinney, Cynthia. “What Are the Different Types of Bullying?” Verywell Mind, Verywell Mind, 8 Nov. 2021, https://www.verywellmind.com/what-are-the-different-types-of-bullying-5207717.
4. “What Should I Do If I'm Being Bullied?” New Youth, https://newyouth.ca/en/resources/school/more-resources/what-should-i-do-if-im-being-bullied.
5. “Physical effects of bullying” Americanspcc, 15 Jul, 2014, https://americanspcc.org/physical-effects-bullying/
6. “I Am Being Bullied.” Anti-Bullying Alliance, National Children's Bureau , https://anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk/tools-information/advice-and-support/if-youre-being-bullied/i-am-being-bullied.