Understanding parenting styles and their impact on children

Is there one best way to parent children? Every parent wants the best for their child, but one family’s parenting approach can look vastly different to another. These differences are often shaped by how we were raised, our beliefs, and even our fears and hopes for our children.   

TOUCH Parenting shares their insights into the four main parenting styles—Autocratic, Permissive, Uninvolved, and Authoritative—and how they influence a child’s development.  

1. AUTOCRATIC PARENTING: THE COMMANDER STYLE  

In an autocratic home, rules are king. Parents set clear expectations and expect obedience—no questions asked. Picture a child being told to finish chores immediately, with no explanation or room for negotiation. The environment is orderly, but emotionally distant.  

Many parents who adopt this style do so because it's how they were raised or because of the fear that relinquishing control will lead to misbehaviour and a loss of their parental authority. However, having a balance of firmness and empathy often yields better long-term outcomes. It fosters respect and responsibility through understanding, rather than blind obedience driven by fear.  

2. PERMISSIVE PARENTING: THE JELLYFISH APPROACH  

Permissive parents are warm, loving, and often eager to please their children. They may let rules slide to avoid conflict and may find it hard to enforce boundaries consistently. For example, a child may be allowed to stay up late or eat whatever they want simply because the parent wants to avoid a tantrum.  

This style is often adopted by parents who experienced strictness in their own childhoods and want something gentler. While their intentions are good, it’s important to recognise that boundaries create a sense of safety. They help children understand expectations and grow into responsible and well-adjusted individuals who can make sound judgments and respect the needs of others.  

3. UNINVOLVED PARENTING: THE ABSENT PARENT  

This style is marked by low warmth and low discipline. Parents may be physically present but emotionally and mentally disengaged. They are unresponsive to their children's needs, offering minimal affection, support, or love, and they also place very few demands on them. Sometimes it's due to stress, burnout, or not knowing what to do. In more serious cases, issues like depression or substance abuse may be involved.  

Some parents who exhibit an uninvolved parenting style were raised by uninvolved parents and they find it difficult not repeating the same patterns they were raised with. Even the most well-meaning parents can slip into this style when overwhelmed. If you recognise these patterns, it’s not too late—seeking support and reconnecting with your child can make a big difference.  

4. AUTHORITATIVE PARENTING: THE COACH MODEL  

This is the golden middle ground. These parents are like effective coaches—clear with expectations, firm in their guidance, yet warm and responsive to their child’s needs. They enforce boundaries and nurture emotional connection.  Imagine a teen discussing homework with their parents. Instead of being barked at or left alone, the teen is heard, supported, and reminded of expectations with encouragement and respect.  

Authoritative parenting balances reasonable expectations with high levels of support and responsiveness. While setting high standards, these parents also equip their children with the necessary resources and support to meet them. An authoritative parent also seeks to inspire cooperation through positive reinforcement and by teaching the children the reasons for any rules.  

While this style takes effort, consistency, and reflection, it’s well worth the investment. Even if you didn’t grow up with this kind of parenting, it’s possible to learn and apply it in your own home.  

WHICH PARENTING STYLE SHOULD I ADOPT?  

Each parenting style leaves its imprint. Some of us lean towards being strict, others toward being too lenient or distant. However, effective parenting isn't about being perfect; it's a continuous process of learning, adjusting our strategies as our children's needs evolve, and fostering our own personal growth alongside theirs.  

As parents, it will help to ask yourself these questions:  
- What kind of parenting did I grow up with? 
- How has that influenced the way I raise my child? 
- What might I need to shift to be more balanced?  

Asking these questions allows you to reflect and become aware of your own upbringing as the parenting styles we experienced as children often became our default setting [1]. This could mean replicating certain aspects of the parenting such as using similar phrases, disciplinary techniques, or even mirroring our parents' emotional reactions to conflicts and disagreements.  

Our own childhood experiences can also sometimes lead us to react by adopting the complete opposite parenting style. For example, someone raised by authoritarian parents might become overly permissive. While the intention is good, this extreme can also have its drawbacks.   

Understanding how our own upbringing shapes our parenting allows us to become conscious and break free from repeating past patterns in our future parenting decisions.  

Lastly, strive for a style that holds your child with both love and limits. Children thrive when they feel secure in their relationship with their parents and understand the boundaries that guide them. Parenting is a journey. Keep reflecting, keep learning, and know that every positive step makes a lasting impact on your relationship with your child and their growth and development.   

Do you want to empower your parenting journey through our parenting programmes and workshops and be equipped with useful tools and resources? Find out more here.   

TOUCH Parenting aims to strengthen parent-child relationships by providing parents with relevant parenting resources through every stage of their parenting journey. It conducts informative talks and workshops which empower parents with knowledge on preparing for and raising a new-born, navigating the digital age with their child, parent-child communication, and nurturing resilient children and youths. It is also appointed by the Ministry of Social and Family Development as the Parent Support Provider (PSP) for Primary and Secondary schools in Singapore.