Reconnecting with Life - Again!

Mdm Mary Ong is outgoing, takes pride in her appearance and loves to dance. In her younger days, she used to go dancing and partying with friends. She continued to pursue her passions well into her fifies. 

Life, however, took an unexpected turn a decade ago when her husband Mr Ong Chye Hock, then 59, suffered a stroke and could no longer care for himself. At 56, Mary found herself bearing the caregiving burden alone.

“My world came crashing down. Suddenly, my husband could no longer work. As the breadwinner, it was not easy for him to accept reality. We have bills to pay. I cried every night, worrying about everything that may go wrong,“ says the retired seamstress who has no children. 

Feeling frustrated, Mr Ong would vent his anger on his wife, leaving her emotionally drained. “I cried until I had no tears left. It was so bad that I had to talk to myself to release the anger I felt inside. Being a homely person, he did not want to go out. My movements were restricted,” says Mary, adding that her withdrawal from social life eventually took a psychological toll on her.

“I looked haggard and grumpy. I was no longer my cheerful self.”

Fortunately, things took a positive turn three years ago when Mr Ong responded to an invitation to take part in the activities at TOUCHpoint@Geylang Bahru, one of TOUCH’s Active Ageing Centres. This was a significant milestone, given that the couple has been living in Geylang Bahru for more than two decades.  

Caption: Mdm Mary Ong and Mr Ong learning to support each other

“Thankfully, I also had the chance to join the Carer Lighthouse, where I met other caregivers. It was a life changing experience,” says Mary.
Now at 65, she feels liberated. 

“In the past, no one has ever asked me how I was doing. With the support of Carer Lighthouse, suddenly, I felt like I could reconnect with myself again. I realised that I matter too.”

Caregivers matter

Set up in 2023, the Carer Lighthouse, which is part of the Carer Kampung initiative at TOUCHpoint@Geylang Bahru, is aligned with TOUCH’s efforts to enable caregivers to build resilience through different life stages and more importantly, provide them with practical handles to navigate their caregiving journey.

Held over eight-weeks at TOUCHpoint@Geylang Bahru, the TOUCH Caregivers Support (TCG) team anchors discussions covering key topics. Its goal is to facilitate frank conservations with caregivers and help them take small steps to achieve their aspirations.

Caption: Mdm Mary Ong (first row second from left) socialising with caregivers and staff from TOUCHpoint@Geylang Bahru

Caption: Caregivers staying connected at TOUCHpoint@Geylang Bahru

Caption: Enjoying the company of caregivers at a social gathering

Caption: Mr Ong (right) taking part in a sports activity at TOUCHpoint@Geylang Bahru

“Many caregivers view it as their duty to care for their loved ones. However, they often become overwhelmed by the demands of caregiving, losing sight of their own identity—as if their lives have been put on hold the moment they take on the role of a caregiver,” says Ms June Sim, TCG's Group Head.

“Our intention is to bring the focus back to caregivers. We want caregivers to take a step back – to reflect on their lives, to know who they are and what matters to them.” 

When Mary joined Carer Lighthouse, she was initially skeptical. “I felt shy and did not really talk. Surprisingly, it did not take too long to warm up to other caregivers. Our connection is so powerful because of our common caregiving experiences. When we recognise that everyone has good days and bad days, our burden feels lighter,” says Mary.

Rediscovering passions

When asked about what she likes, she says “dancing!” with an enthusiastic smile. 

“Now, I feel so relaxed turning on the radio and swaying with the music at home. It feels good!”

Caption: Learning to be present to enjoy the fullness of life

Caption: Receiving support from TOUCH staff

These days, Mary is often seen wearing an array of colourful earrings perfectly coordinated with her clothes and shoes. She puts on some light makeup whenever she heads out. 

“I have learnt that it is okay to feel good about myself. It is also okay to let go bit by bit. There’s no shame. I can dress how I want. I feel happier and carefree. Many seniors have even complimented my looks. My husband is now more supportive too,” adds Mary beaming with joy.

Moving forward, Mary hopes to join the centre’s dance interest group which will be restarting soon. “I hope to invite more caregivers to join us at TOUCHpoint@Geylang Bahru. I want them to know that their caregiving journey can be a positive one. They are not alone.”

For caregiver-related enquiries, please call TOUCH Care Line at 6804 6555 (Mondays to Fridays from 9am to 5pm, except public holidays).

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About TOUCH’s Carer Kampung Initiative

Set up at TOUCHpoint@Geylang Bahru in 2023, Carer Kampung is one of TOUCH Caregivers Support Group’s (TCG) key platforms to empower caregivers to live well in the community. By adopting a caregiver-centric approach, the programme is designed to address both broad and specific issues at different stages of a caregiver’s journey. For example, the weekly Carer Post consists of one-on-one sessions for residents to seek help. Caregivers can also join the monthly Carer Conversations which cover a broad range of topics to equip caregivers with knowledge and skillsets to navigate their caregiving journey. They can also stay socially connected through Carer Lighthouse – a two-month programme that facilitates in-depth discussions and builds peer support – as they learn to thrive in a safe space. Volunteering opportunities are also provided to caregivers who wish to contribute to their communities. For more information, please visit www.touch.org.sg/caregivers.  

Story published in 2025