Caring for our Elderly Parents' Mental Health

While ageing is part and parcel of life, it brings unique challenges that often go unnoticed. As our elderly parents enter their golden years, they may experience stress or heightened emotional and mental distress due to a combination of factors, including physical health issues, loss of independence, life transitions such as losing family and friends, and even social isolation [1]. These factors often create a sense of loneliness or isolation, leaving seniors more vulnerable to mental health struggles.  

 In reality, seniors may struggle with their mental health more than we realise, yet they often hesitate to seek support due to reasons such as lack of knowledge about mental health issues or where to seek help, especially for conditions like depression or anxiety, which are less visible than physical ailments or dementia. For some, anxiety and depression don't always look like 'sadness', and instead, they often appear as irritability and restlessness, which may be dismissed as a ‘normal’ part of ageing.    

BARRIERS TO SEEKING HELP 
Many seniors refuse treatment for mental health conditions, and these are some common barriers.   

Stigma and shame: Our elderly parents grew up in an era where mental health was a taboo subject, leading them to view mental health distress as a sign of weakness or “losing face”. They also worry about being judged by family or peers.   

Lack of awareness: Some may not recognise the symptoms of mental distress, assuming it’s just part of ageing or something they should endure quietly.   

Fear of burdening others and self-reliance: Seniors often avoid talking about their struggles because they don’t want to worry their family or appear like a burden. Others may believe in handling problems on their own, rather than turning to professionals.   

Mistrust or unfamiliarity with mental health services: Some are hesitant to engage with counselling or psychiatric support due to unfamiliarity or misconceptions. Having grown in an environment where tangible assets and values are important, the concept of mental wellness could be foreign to them.   

HOW DO WE SUPPORT OUR ELDERLY PARENTS’ OVERALL WELL-BEING? 
Our support is critical for our elderly parents’ overall well-being. Here’s what we can do to help.  

Validate their feelings: Make intentional time for conversations. It’s important that you give them space and time to respond and express their thoughts and feelings [2]. If they choose to share their feelings, thoughts, and needs with you, validate their feelings and concerns without judgment.  

Be patient with them: Your elderly parents may become more easily irritable, repeat themselves or take longer to process information. Be patient with them and recognise that if they do lash out at you, it’s rarely a personal attack but rather a reflection of their internal struggle.   

Understanding that our elderly parents often fear being a burden, we can learn to pay close attention to their body language and words to better identify their unspoken needs and offer support in a way they will appreciate [2].   

Keep a look out for symptoms: Pay attention to warning signs such as complaints about physical health, loss of interest in activities they normally enjoy, neglect of personal hygiene, sleep disturbances or behavioural changes such as irritability, restlessness or withdrawal from family and friends [3]. If they’re acting unusual or even endangering their own lives, we may need to step in for their best interest [2].   

Encourage an active lifestyle: Physical activity and social connection are natural mood boosters that can help combat negative emotions. If your parents are still mobile, invite them to exercise together or take them for walks in the park. You can also encourage them to join an Active Ageing Centre near their place, where they can build friendships and participate in activities that keep their minds sharp.   

Seek help: If you have an elderly parent who is struggling with their mental health, please know that help is available. The Community Resource, Engagement & Support Team (CREST) is here to bridge the gap by offering early support, building trust, and gently guiding families and seniors towards the help they need. Through CREST, seniors with dementia and mental health conditions will be able to seek early treatment closer to home, ensuring both they and their caregivers are supported throughout their mental wellness journey. To learn more, you can email crest@touch.org.sg.   

If you have specific questions on caregiving or want to find out more about caregiver-related support and services, you can learn more at https://linktr.ee/touchcaregiversgroup.    

TOUCH Mental Wellness (TMW) runs personalised therapy and counselling programmes to empower individuals to rise above their circumstances. An advocate of mental wellness, TMW has been organising mental wellness awareness mass runs, talks and workshops since 2015. It works closely with corporations to conduct mental wellness talks with an aim of equipping employees with handles to cope with stress and help them build resilience. It also specialises in mental wellness awareness and educational programmes for schools.     

TOUCH Caregivers Support (TCG) envisions a community in which caregivers, together with their loved ones, are empowered to live well. It aims to do this by caring for the carer, while building a care network around the family, to build confidence and strengthen support. By focusing on the individual’s strength and taking a family-centred approach, TCG will strive to improve care sustainability, enabling caregivers to enjoy a better quality of life. To help caregivers cope with the challenges of caregiving, TCG provides a range of care resources, including helplines, home modification schemes, caregiver training and online community support. As an advocate for caregivers, TCG also conducts talks and webinars, and shares insights on media platforms to empower and further support caregivers on their journey.     

Sources  
1. “Mark of misery: Teaching caregivers to recognise signs of distress in ageing parents.” PRIME, https://prime.sg/mark-of-misery-teaching-caregivers-to-recognise-signs-of-distress-in-elderly-parents/ 
2. “Supporting our elderly parents” Health Hub, https://www.healthhub.sg/programmes/mindsg/caring-for-others/my-elderly-parent “
3. Mental Health in Seniors: 6 essential things families should know” The Key Home Care, https://thekey.com/learning-center/6-things-to-know-about-mental-illness-in-older-adults